I allude to a lot on my social media.
Somewhat getting to the point, but not always diving in full bodied.
Honestly, it's so chaotic in social media land that it doesn't feel really great to share my heart and soul the way I want to. When that chaos emerges, I get super quiet.
This always coincides with a long journey of the soul - and typically happens right before I change directions, switch gears or allow some shedding to occur. It's not always layered with a lot of emotions - which it has been this time - so I am referring to November 2022 - December 2022 - my "Tangled Necklace Phase".
Welcome. You are here.
I remember when I wrote my very first blog post - it felt really scary, I felt uncertain and it all felt so liberating. Then the world said "No more blogs, we must vlog" - which I never did. Then it said - wait - no, do this... then, do that... then W T F??? So many rules, so much pressure. I have decided to revive my blog. Alongside of my blog I'll revive my podcast - which lost it's way a little bit - mainly because I couldn't get my SH*T together.
But back to the necklaces being tangled.
In actuality - it all started while I was flying home from Tulum when a text came through that my daughter had been in a car accident. She's fine, Car - not so fine.
I've never been in one, so this was a brand new process for me - and as a family - a first. So, this really is where my knots began to form. From the insurance claim process, to us not fully knowing all the details, to really piss poor communication. I added a knot and sprinkled in a torn labrum - and pending surgery. So, read through the lines - lack of sleep and chronic pain. A few more knots decided to pop up - same daughter is graduating from college in December (that's enough on it's own right?) my other daughter turned 21 (which to be honest - wasn't super emotional - but has added to it all) and then - my animals brought fleas in the house. (DON'T GET ME STARTED!)
To top it all off - we've had to secure my wonderful daughter a lawyer for said accident. You can read between those lines - I care not to give it too much of my attention - as it's literally eating me alive inside.
Ain't it grand? Life?
It's enough to make your head spin and your mind literally go nuts. All at the same time, my work is taking on a new life of it's own - I'm holding steady. And in doing it - I had to shed some of what I loved so much doing for the past 3 years. The things that really sort of kept me sane and motivated through the Pandemic.
Timing is a bitch - isn't it. It's got a mind of it's own and it never goes down the way you want it to. Yet, what I've learned is it's always perfectly timed.
There used to be a time - I would have run away and ignored it. talked on top of it all and not allowed myself to sit with the large knots. I would have tucked them into a box and left it all for another day and time to figure out. In this season, I'm just witnessing the timing - it's never good, allowing myself to feel (my husband is taking the brunt of the random daily crying because it's all just too much) and I'm remembering that this will all be over soon so not to rush through it.
I've learned, wait, scratch that - I know that if I avoid it now - I'll miss all the beauty in these moments. If I avoid it now - I'll miss the growth, the lessons and the teachings. If I avoid it now, the knots will just get worse and I'll miss out on wearing the beautiful necklaces again.
Welcome back to the blog. (PS - I realize I've done this dance many times too - so let's see what hapepns ;))
Welcome back to me just allowing myself to express it all - free from any one telling me what it should look like.
XO - M
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